This writing business is hard work.
All those years punching a clock, it was never this hard. Even with the hellacious commute. At the end of the day, my brain used to shut off. Not anymore. Now, it’s nothing but a plot-playground; there are characters I don’t recognize running around. Spitting dialog so perfect I’m compelled to snap on the light and scribble it down. My partner begs me to shut them up and go back to sleep. Even she’s tired of their noise.
During the day I do my best to focus, but I’m consumed with getting it right. It is a business after all, and in the water there are sharks. I understand it’s not enough to write: you must edit and publish and market and blog–some of it before there is a book. Cart before the horse, nothing sells in a vacuum. So I’m trying to do it all, learn it all. Write, research, network, observe. Read. Every profession has a learning curve. Right now this is mine. It’s fascinating, and I’m taking it seriously; why would I not? Whining is for losers. I want to succeed, so I will figure this out. I will do the work.
As I fight with my manuscript I wonder if other writers have the same problems I do. Like focus. Being able to see the characters in their world at that one moment in time. I’m beginning to think it’s a bad thing that I know them so well. I know what comes after, and what came before. I confuse it all in my head–how do you separate what you know from what you’ve written? Distill it down to a cohesive whole? I’m afraid I’ve over-thought everything, as per usual. I have a thousand scenes in my head, how will I ever choose? Sometimes I see the characters perfectly. Sometimes they wander off. I assume it’s because they’ve grown bored. With me. How do I maintain focus? Especially when I’m trying so hard to churn out the words. Butt in chair…butt in chair…type, type, type. But damn–my brain is so tired!